Making Friends for Anxiety-Filled People Based on Experience

I honestly don't remember if I've made a post or just comments (or not even that much) about making friends already, but this one is going to be filled with a College Student (who has social anxiety) with first semester experience's inside information. This idea, though I had thought about making a similar post before, was sparked by reading an article by Sydney Yalshevec on hellogiggles.com (seeing as I could relate to her article, I thought I'd make my own comments).

Before I tell you how I make friends in college, I need to start with another (more than one) story:

I have never, ever moved in my entire life until I moved to college. Moving to college was huge for me because I wasn't like most kids who just went to a state school maybe an hour or two away from home. No. I decided to move to a state school -- in a different state, almost seven hours away.

Growing up, I learned how to make friends very easily. My mom is a very social person and she instilled that in me. But, I had made and kept the same friends in first and second grade that I still had until my sophomore year of high school.

Sophomore year, my wonderful friends decided they didn't like the idea that I, a 16-year-old at the time, was dating an 18-year-old (he acted my age, which is how I validated it to myself), so they decided since I refused to break up with him merely over their opinions, they just wouldn't be friends with me. Other than the guy I was seeing, I felt absolutely isolated -- which I thought was pretty hard to do in a high school with a student population of 2500 people. By junior year, I had broken up with the guy, but still my normal friends wouldn't talk to me. But, one of their friends (who we shall call Emily for the privacy of her identity) was also slowly breaking off of their new group. I had been friends with the theatre kids. I had known that; they blended into the choir nerds group which, obviously, was my life (I was in three choirs my Senior year, one being the award-winning Chamber group).

But Emily and I didn't do the musicals and plays, because we didn't like acting -- we like singing more. So, our friends started leaving us -- no, worse. They had us sit with them during lunch, the only time we'd ever see them, and have us watch them talk to their other theatre friends while Emily and I did nothing. Slowly, Emily and I started talking (mostly about how we hated their behavior), and found ourselves becoming friends. But it was a long process for me because I had been friends with my other friends for so long that I had forgotten how to make friends with other people.

All growing up since middle school, in order to make friends, all I would do is tag along with my friends that I already had and make friends with the friends that they made. I was somewhat of an introvert and would internalize everything, watching the new person's actions and listening carefully to what they said, trying to get an idea of who they were and what they thought and henceforth determining whether or not I was going to like said person or if there would -- possibly -- only be a tight-lipped smile and a wave in passing.

So, during my senior year, I had two or three really good friends, between whom I couldn't decide which friend I would have considered my "best friend," because I liked each one separately for their own reasons. Emily because we could relate about our ex-friends in the theatre group, as well as boys and school and anything else really. Then there was Claire (again, using pseudonyms), who I could relate to about being adopted, pretty much since birth, and having no idea who our biological parents are. Also boys, because we were both in long distance relationships. Then there's Amy (pseudonym) who I would just talk to about all aspects of life -- but she lived with another friend of ours during senior year, so there were few times during the year that I could talk to just Amy.

Now for the College talk: I ended my first semester on December 17, 2014. This past weekend, my cousins from my mom's side visited us. One of my cousin's questions she asked was how I've made friends. My response? I haven't. And, in my mind, that's fairly true. 90% of the time that I ever hung out with people this semester, especially towards the end, was only for school-related purposes. I only made friends with two people that I ever hung out with for non-school-related purposes, Amanda (pseudonym) and Mary (pseudonym). I had hung out with my roommate for the first week or two, but she ended up moving out halfway through the semester (not to mention on not-so-great terms). Amanda and I, though I do truly like her as a person, have virtually nothing in common -- my main gripe being that she is feminist, and I am personally anti-feminist (I pray for as little hate as possible; I am not actively anti-feminist, and really, I'm not anti-feminist. I'm anti "active" feminists, who usually support verbally feminist movements, but end up contradicting themselves and who don't actually do anything. I am, however, pro historical feminists, like Helen of Anjou or Susan B. Anthony and Elizabeth Stanton. This, however, is a topic for a different post, so if anyone would like me to expand on this, just let me know).

Mary, on the other hand, is very much like me. Apart from being social and an extrovert. She and I agree on a lot of different topics and I like hanging out with her, but she and I, to my knowledge, have never really hung out "just because." If I remember correctly, she and I have always hung out with the intention of studying for Geography. That doesn't mean we did study for Geography when we hung out, but I digress.

I actually ended up making a friend as well in my Spanish class, but as of yet, we haven't hung out together outside of class.

The process I now go through to make friends at school sucks. I no longer have anyone to "mooch" off of in order to make friends. Emily and Claire were extroverts, so it worked for me. Now, I've either made friends with another introvert (like Amanda) or with an extrovert who I don't see or hang out with almost at all (like Mary). Aside from them, I have made no friends. And, I suppose, that's the problem with taking higher level classes than those that you should be in (like my 300-level Human Development class where everyone was a junior or senior and didn't feel the need to make any more friends, especially with a freshman).

I literally don't know how to make friends or how to converse or when to talk about what things. I'm so used to talking openly with my friends from home that I started assuming that I could talk about those things with the new people I met instead of starting from the beginning -- I don't even think I know where the beginning even is!

To make matters beautifully worse, my best friend from home, Emily, is considering transferring to my school next fall and, as I will absolutely love this idea and am constantly be encouraging her to do so, it may possibly be either the best or the worst idea I have ever come up with. Either she and I will soon have more friends than we can fathom, or we will be loners in either our room or in my boyfriend's apartment. Which, in all honesty, I could care less about only having Emily and my boyfriend as my only friends. My problem is that Emily doesn't go to my school yet and she and I are eight hours away from each other during the semester.

So, my advice for people like me with little-to-no idea of how to make friends with people? Do your best to avoid how you've made friends in your past. Be willing to join a club -- even one, even if you only go once a month. Smile and converse with more than just the first person you meet on the first day (like I did with Amanda). Be willing to speak to more people on the floor of your dorm than with only your roommate. Believe me, I know it is much harder said than done. I know because I haven't even done it myself. But it's something we all have to do. Get out of your comfort zone. If it's too much, you can retreat right back, but take it from me -- if you don't get out of your comfort zone a little bit, you will feel lonely later.

Breaks

Holiday breaks are the absolute worst, right behind summer break. Your parents, especially if they pay for your tuition, believe that they are completely in charge of you like they were when you were in High School. You believe that you're independent and can make decisions for yourself since you've been living on your own for months just fine without them.

But here's the thing:

You can't tell them how you feel (like you're suffocating, that you want to go back to school, that you don't want to go to church with them on Christmas [apparently that happens]). You have to roll with a LOT of punches. If you're like me, and your parents are older and their minds are starting to go a little bit, you kind of have to just smile and nod and let their craziness just roll off your back. If the only thing they ask you to do is go to church with them on Christmas, GO! They aren't (usually) still around to go to church with you every Sunday, so they don't even know if you're going anymore. Even if you're not going anymore and they ask that of you, do yourself a favor and just go with it. They'll really appreciate it and it will save you a world of suffering.

Whatever you do, do NOT tell your parents that you're tired of being home, EVEN IF YOU ARE! I made this mistake at Thanksgiving time, and let me tell you, it is still biting me in the butt! That, and I also called my boyfriend and vented about it and, right in the middle, I realized my mother was listening because, oops, she started crying... AVOID THIS AT ALL COSTS!!!! It's not worth it.

Spend time with your parents. You may think that you know everything and that they don't understand you, but really, you don't understand them if you never hang out with them. I realized that my dad is one of the funniest people I know just by playing a round of Scattergories with him and my mom. I also realized that I don't mind being at home so much by spending more time with my parents.

So, let it be known, that I am 100% advertising SPENDING TIME WITH YOUR PARENTS/FAMILY!!!! (This goes for all ages, but college age especially since, well, the fight for independence thing)

Black Friday

All I have to say: TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE SALES AND BUY LINENS AND APPLIANCES FOR COLLEGE ON BLACK FRIDAY!!

Where The Heck Is That Haul You Promised?!

My friends, one lesson you will learn as you get into college is that there is very, VERY little time for the things you want to do (even though there is, what's more important, blogging or Netflix? That's what I thought).

So, I promised a dorm haul, like, probably something like four months ago. It doesn't even feel like this semester happened! But, alas. It has! So, here's the deal. I'm only hear until Tuesday next week, then the following week starts finals. However, I have a three day weekend between my Friday finals and the one final I have the following Tuesday. During that break, I refuse to spend ALL that time studying, so instead I will finally do the long-awaited dorm haul.

So-o, weekend of the 14th of December, LOOK OUT!

Relationships: Breaking The Bad Thoughts

If you're like me and have bad experience after bad experience pretty much consistently in your past and are finding yourself in a relationship with someone good for once, I have some advice for that (I'm just a little advice machine today, I should start an advice column).

If you've ever experienced the whole "He's way too good for me," "I don't deserve him," or "He deserves better than me" thing, believe me when I say you need to calmly express that feeling to him (try hard not to cry) and let it go. I say "let it go" in stead of "let it out" for a specific reason -- if you just let it out, it doesn't go away. I've learned that over the past two years of my relationship (in no timely fashion, might I add). You need to try to let it go because it's not only you the thought is hurting. If he cares for you the way my boyfriend cares for me, he gets just as worked up about it (whether he shows it or not -- though don't necessarily take him brushing it off as him hiding it. Every guy is different).

Especially if your boyfriend has been hurt, himself, by someone else before you, too. The only good it will do for you to hold on to that is to push him away (and I would think that's not a good thing). So, for when those moment arise when you feel like you are completely unworthy of his love and affection or you feel afraid he's eventually going to leave you "because everyone else did," you have to try to change your way of thinking. Try thinking instead how blessed you are that, at very least for the moment, he chose you and right now, he wants to be with you. Not somebody else who, you think, would be "more compatible." Because if you find yourself in a situation where on 98% of topics you click better than you do with anybody else, it's highly unlikely that there is someone more compatible.

If your partner has verbally made the sincere decision that they want you and not somebody else, hop on that train and ride it. Because making a life-long decision like this is scary -- no, it's terrifying. But think about it like this: you could be so afraid of losing your partner that he ends up actually leaving, or you could push that fear aside and embrace the journey (and him leaving becomes exponentially less likely)!

College Food, Dorms, Relationships, and Other College Stuff

Food
Please, whatever you do, do not assume that College food is much better than high school food. The only food that's actually "better" is the completely unhealthy stuff they serve like pasta or burgers. Believe me when I say it is the most impossible thing to figure out in any timely fashion how to eat well with Campus Dining.
Dorms
You know how mom keeps saying "the dorms are smaller than you think?" SHE'S UNBELIEVEABLY RIGHT! Take your room (no matter how small it is) and shrink it by at least half, and that's about the size of most dorm rooms. And in most of them you're expected to share with someone else. Expect: flies (fruit flies, nats, nasty big flies, etc), spiders, cleaning on a weekly (or twice weekly) basis, lots of laundry, and many other inconveniences. Expect your roommate to be a slob and to leave nasty wet towels in your microwave until it smells of mold and mildew and you don't realize it until you open it and feel like you need to barf at the grossness that is your roommate's habits.
Relationships
Expect little of your partner -- especially if you or the both of you are transitioning either as a freshman or grad school or wherever you or your partner are at. Because it is a very unrealistic expectation to think your partner should be emotionally and mentally together their first semester - even three or more months in. Believe me. It's that big of an adjustment for people. And the only solution is time.
Registration
Registering for classes is quite possibly the most frustrating experience for freshmen like me who are neither as dumb as a rock and need to be in counseling sessions to make sure they're doing well or even be in remedial classes (there's nothing wrong with having to take remedial classes, so don't think I'm hating on remedial classes) nor quite had high enough test scores to be in honors. Because the students in the remedial classes and the students in honors get to register within the first week of registration, if not the first day. Where as the rest of us not-so-special students have to wait until the last week, or even the last day of registration to choose classes, meaning what? That we get last dibs, or as I like to think of it, the "left-overs." Because by the time our registration day comes around, all the classes we wanted to take are filled up and the only thing you can do is redo your schedule for the eighth or ninth time and pray that those classes don't get filled up, too, before you can officially register for them.

I'll have more rants for you all later. Good luck on all your endeavors!

Another One On Roommates

Oh, boy, has this semester been... well, ridiculous. I've come to realize so much in so little time (most of which I will address in another post). The issue I'd like to address is a post-move-in realization on roommates:

They all stink (not really, just most of them).

Let me start with the fact that my beloved roommate just loves telling the truth about how she never parties, or drinks, or smokes, and let's not even get started on how much she just ADORES obeying the DRY-CAMPUS rules (especially the ones where it specifically says, "Don't bring alcohol bottles of any kind into your room or else both roommates will be written up.") My roommate is so considerate, she'd just never want anything bad to happen like getting both of us written up before the end of our first semester!!

(PLEASE NOTE THE HEAVY SARCASM OF THE PREVIOUS PARAGRAPH!!!)

It couldn't even be some frilly alcohol. Oh, no. Had to choose Vodka - any kind. Name any kind, I bet you it's hiding somewhere in our room amongst her things.

So, here's my NEW advice to any incoming freshmen ANYWHERE -- if you have any preconceived notions about your new roommate, they're probably right. If your roommate looks a little sketchy on their FB, they're probably a sketchy person. (Although this does not always go for everybody, it's always good to be safe and go with your gut!) So, what do I say about this?

1. GO WITH YOUR GUT!!!

And, more importantly, be honest with yourself. If you sincerely have a problem with your potential future roommate partying every weekend, DO NOT decide to room with someone who responds "Only sometimes" to the question, "Did you ever party in HS?" 99% of the time, this means "All the time, but I don't want you to think poorly of me." And what does that translate to? They know that what they're doing is potentially a bad trait to have, but they're not about to change their habits!

2. Be honest with other people!

If you are talking to potential roommates whether through your school's FB page or whatever other means of communication, don't use generic "I want to become best friends or even SISTERS with my roommate!" in a "10 things about me!" list. First, that's not telling people much other than you have unrealistic expectations of College (such as only having school 3 days a week -- AVOID THIS AT ALL COSTS! IT WILL SCREW YOU OVER!!!) If you're going to add a list of information about yourself, DIG DEEP!!! Use more information like "I don't party and need someone who doesn't want/need to either" or "I dislike social interaction but want friends" or even "I'm a vampire and hate light when trying to sleep." (I wouldn't suggest being weird, though. People generally don't like odd people.)

3. Do not expect to become best friends with your roommate.

This is a very rare thing to happen. I'm talking extremely rare. There's more likelihood that someone would hit you and actually have to pay your tuition than you becoming best friends with your roommate (that whole "if you get hit by a car, the person driving has to pay off your tuition" thing is a myth, btw.) For example, my roommate and I thought we were a match made in heaven -- had all the same sleeping needs, we liked the same foods, we liked the same TV shows... now we can't stand each other's guts and neither of us can wait for her to move out next week. It's nothing truly personal, we just have more major differences than we do similarities (most of those similarities being along the lines of what kind of cheese we like with our tortilla chips).

4. Do not share your personal items if it will bother you when your roommate starts using them without permission.

I originally thought, oh, my mom and I always shared a blow dryer and straightener at home, it'd be no different with her. IT IS COMPLETELY DIFFERENT!!!!!!! As if the alcohol weren't enough to make me be upset with my roommate, it kind of pushed me over the edge when I found my straightener in her desk drawer. And it shouldn't have bothered me. But, if you're like me and are extremely possessive, you'll understand where I'm coming from when I say I was feeling the whole "Don't touch my stuff without asking or I'll scream" feeling.

In conclusion, Roommates. Don't get your hopes up too high. And thank the Good Lord if you end up with a half-way normal roommate. Good luck, my friends!!!

What You Really Need To Bring To College!!

What I've learned over the last (nearly) 12 months of looking into what I may or may not need, I have discovered one very important lesson: You only need what YOU need! The best thing you can do for yourself is start early and look at a ton of different lists! Compare what is similar (usually there are basics that everyone needs), then throw in the extra things they didn't mention that you know you need and eliminate things that they say you need but really don't!
So what am NOT giving you is what I think you need, but rather what I think I need so that you can compare (and my reasoning for each item)!

***Notes of Advice:
     - Consider the space you have, not necessarily what you WILL (or will not...) have! And by this, I mean the space you'll have in the car(s) you're taking with you!
     - Use as many Ziploc Space Saver Bags as possible! THEY ACTUALLY WORK!! And save a LOT of space in the car (hence the "they actually work" comment!)
     - Listen to your parents/gardians. Whether you like it or not, they (usually) know what they're talking about.
     - Consider the distance of your school and the things that can wait to be bought until you get there (especially if you have a long ways to go and can't go home often or if your school is in the middle of nowhere). If you're close to a Wal-Mart, Target, K-Mart, etc. you should be able to get toiletries, medicinal items, feminine products (if they apply to you), and other similar products can wait until you arrive.
     - Consider where you'll be living. If you'll be living in a dorm room (like I will be), look into what the school will provide you with (bed, desk, dresser). My school provides the three items listed in parenthesis and the beds are loft-able, so I have a large amount of under-bed space (they loft six-feet up... I'll be getting a work order for a railing).

Now to the good stuff:

Bedding:

- Comforter, size Twin XL (self-explanatory)
- Extra, warm blanket (I'll be in South Dakota, so it gets very cold, very quickly. Consider the location of your College or University. If it doesn't get below 50 degrees at night ever, you probably don't need an extra blanket. If you get cold naturally (like I do), maybe consider extra-warm socks. However, if you'll be close to a tundra like I will be, consider the extra blanket!)
- Sheets ([two sets, size Twin XL] - two sets because it's just easier when you're doing your wash, as per usual when you're home. Plus, laundry takes a while. You don't, however, need more than two. If you get a comforter set, sheets should come with it, so you should only get one extra set of sheets.)
- Two Pillows (I sleep better with either two extra-firm pillows or with no pillows. It just depends on the day. Choose depending on your comfort levels).
- Pillow Protectors (One for each pillow)
- Mattress Pad (A mattress pad prevents you from having to worry too much about bed bugs and prevents you from really having to go through the trouble of getting a "bed bug protection kit" as suggested on Target's [and many other's] College Checklist)
- Mattress Topper (I chose a memory foam mattress topper, but if you're like my boyfriend and have a pretty bad back that goes out every once in a while if you're not sleeping on something firm, a mattress topper may more may not be for you.)

Desk: (Please note that 99.99% of this section CAN be bought after moving in! Really, all of this stuff can be bought after moving in, but the purpose of buying everything in advance is for financial alleviation and to calm your worries, anxieties, and excitement) The reasoning for these items is for homework, projects, etc.

- Paperclips
- Rubber bands
- Stapler
- Staples
- Sheet Protectors
- Loose-leaf paper
- Binders (depending on how many classes you're taking. I have five)
- Spirals (see note above)
- Tab dividers (one set per binder)
- Pencil Sharpener
- Pens
- Pencils
- Backpack  (should be able to fit a laptop inside for convenience)
- Top-of-desk Organizer

Electronics:

- Desk Lamp
- Fan
- Laptop
- Laptop charger
- Printer
- Printer attachments & plug-ins
- Printer Ink the will fit in your printer (THERE ARE DIFFERENT SIZES!!)
- Cell phone
- Cell phone charger
- Surge protector power strip
- Mini fridge (check with your school if you can rent one, although it may be cheaper to buy one because at some colleges it costs $50 per semester to rent and you can buy one for about $75)
- Microwave (This and the mini fridge only need to be brought by one roommate, especially considering the space you will (not) have)
- Toaster
- Iron
- Speakers (for your computer)
- (If you need a TV, here's where I'll include it. My roommate and I are choosing to just watch our TV shows on our computers, so it's not really part of my list entirely)
- Headphones

Organization:

- Under-the-bed storage boxes (I'm using two shallow boxes, one to contain my winter clothes, the other to contain cleaning items once I move in. I also have an air-tight container for eventual food storage)
- Hanging Shoe Organizer (it's up to you which kind to get; I'm using one that goes on the tension rod in the closet because it's what I'm used to from home)
- Hanging clothing organizer (Also one that hangs from the tension rod. I'll be using it mostly for the over-abundance of shirts I'm bringing because the drawer in my room only has three small drawers for... well, everything else)

Medicinal Items, Toiletries, and Feminine Products:
- Advil/Ibuprofen
- Advil Cold & Sinus
- Saline Nasal Spray
- Cough Drops and Sore Throat drops (they do different things. I know. Shocking)
- Tums (THESE SAVE MY LIFE!)
- Bandaids
- Shampoo (2)
- Conditioner (depends on your hair, but I'm bringing 2. I also happen to use conditioner as shaving gel for my legs - I've found it makes my legs smoother after I shave as well as makes the shave last a day longer than usual.)
- Pads with wings (for over-night. Wearing tampons over night is a HUGE no-no!)
- Tampons
- Face wash (I use Cetaphil Oil Control because it's very gentle and works wonders on difficult make-up!)
- Make-up Remover Wipes (for the stubborn eyeliner)
- Degree 48-hour Motion deodorant
- Toothbrush
- Floss
- Toothpaste (I got Crest sensi-relief because it whitens while staying sensitive on the teeth and gums)

Miscellaneous:

- Ironing Board
- Shower Shoes
- Chair (this, along with futons, are NOT necessary. They're just... very, very nice to have!)
- Cups (2-4)
- Plates (2-4)
- Bowls (2-4)
- Mugs (2)

Decorations:

I'm an amateur painter, so I'm bringing some things I've painted, photos, and chords/medals and my decorated grad cap from graduation to decorate around my desk. This is just an area for your personal touch. Bring posters, bring art, bring whatever will make your room feel more personal. Just be conscious of your roommate - if it can be considered inappropriate, think about not bringing it if you don't know your roommate or, if you do, double check to make sure they wouldn't be offensive. You're sharing a room - both of you need to be respectful of each other.

This, for the time being, is all I can think of. I will, however, do an ENTIRE Dorm Room Haul once I move in on August 22nd. I will see if my roommate will let me take a picture of her side of the room, but I'm not going to invade her privacy. So. ANYWAY. That is all for tonight. Enjoy your college shopping!!

Help Out

As excited as I know you are for college to start, your parents probably are not - despite what they may do or say. Often your parents can be rude or up-tight at this time, even if they weren't so much previously, because they're anxious because they don't want to see you go and just want to hold onto you for a little bit longer.

I know. It's annoying. But they're your parents. It's likely that they truly can still remember when you were in diapers and you had to completely depend on them for every little thing. It's hard for many parents to just let that go - to let you go.

So here's what I suggest:

Let them be involved in what you're doing throughout the year - let them go with you to things that you wouldn't normally ask them to go to (I'm not saying take your mother to an orgy, I'm saying ask her to a movie or to go shopping for an afternoon). It will help the sting of your leaving just a little bit. There will definitely still be fighting throughout the time leading up to move-in day, but do what you can to avoid conflict.

Additionally, when shopping for college stuff (bedding, desk necessities, wall decoration, etc.), help your parents out. Don't go shopping for everything in one sitting. You could potentially be spending hundreds of dollars on your bedroom alone. As nice as it would be to just dedicate one day (or even a weekend) to just checking every last thing off your list, but the likelihood of your parents liking that or even being able to pay for that is low. It also happens to be more fun to go out multiple times.

If you or someone you know (family member, friend, dog) is creative in any way, ask them to make something for you to hang up in your dorm room. I've seen many DIY Canvas Posters (such as the one linked) on Pinterest that come with easy tutorials. When it comes to wall décor, it is easiest to DIY-it rather than go hunting for something that may not even exist because it's just sitting in your imagination.

Also, if you have the ability, don't be afraid to go out on your own to buy some college items. On the last haul I did (and the next one that I've been procrastinating on), I've bought every single item except my minifridge and microwave (both my brother's previously), my bedding (which will be in the next haul), and my tabletop ironing board and iron (again, will be in the next haul and the iron was my mom's).

Which brings us to the final two points - if there's anything (appliances, baskets, etc.) that they don't want anymore or that they'd rather have the updated version of, you can always take their. There's no pain in sharing or taking hand-me-downs. You will not be the laughing stalk of the dorm hall just because your toaster was bought in the 80's (as long as it still works and isn't a fire hazard). And finally, as I'm sure I've noted before, SHARE WITH YOUR ROOMMATE! It makes more sense when you're living in a mouse hole.

Roommates (Part Three)

I finally found my roommate via that weird Facebook group thing (along with a couple new friends!) and I'm so glad that she's not only possibly one of the prettiest people I've ever met, but also one of the nicest! She's outgoing and funny and pretty much everything I could ever ask for in a new roommate!

I'm probably one of few that found a roommate in about two days, don't let it taking time discourage you! It's definitely worth trying to find someone you can get along with and have minimal upsets about as your roommate than just being given a roommate by random or choosing one and settling.

Again, updated haul to come soon - probably within about a week or so.

Roommates (Part Two)

The most difficult thing about roommates is what is happening right now (which is a whole new and scary world for me): Roommate Selection via Facebook.

Now, if that doesn't sound weird to you, I don't know what will. Despite how I met my two best friends (online; we don't need to get into that), I don't generally like meeting people online. It seems very sketchy to me. But with almost 1,500 people (not nearly how many people that are attending, but you know) already in this group (and most likely many of them already having found somebody), I couldn't help joining in - plus, literally every single Senior at my school has joined their college's school's page (for those who are like 'What are you talking about? What page?' if you search "(Your College/University's name) Class of 2018 (or whatever year for any future college students)" on FB, you can find this entire page that's been opened by someone (generally an upperclassman) from the school).) 

I digress. I've posted on there trying to find a roommate, and let me just say how horribly irritating it is to have people 'Like' my post BUT NOT TALK TO ME! My one pet peeve (I actually have many, depending on the subject matter... so it's not just one pet peeve... again, I digress) is that people will do that - 'Like' something - and not DO anything about it! I can just hear it in my head:

"Oh, you sound kinda cool. What?! You'll make food? Well, you're not my mom. Sorry, I'll still keep looking." I MEAN, WHO DOESN'T WANT FOOD!?

Anyway, there's one girl I've been talking to who is my top choice for a roommate, though that's probably because she's the ONLY PERSON WHO'S RESPONDED TO ME!

It's stuff like this that gets me angry. I can't be left to have a panic attack about who I'll be living with over Spring Break - NOT! OKAY!

Anyway. This post was much more animated than I anticipated. Comment and tell me about any Roommate drama or trauma you're currently experiencing! Do you know who you're going to room with already? Are you using the Facebook system? How long did it take for you to figure out who you wanted to room with?

New Haul Coming Soon!

Just wanted to let all of you wonderful people know that I will be uploading a new haul soon - probably during Spring Break. I'm super excited because I'm slowly building up my collection of College-Bound stuff and it's just so fun to look at! I'm still getting some ideas from Pinterest as to how I should decorate my room - let me know if you have your decorations set or have any other suggestions!

Roommates

Ahh, roommates. The people we will be sharing the next year - possibly more - with in a small, jail-sized room that you luckily get to fight about how it will be decorated. You will know everything about each other - your habits, your weird quirks, how bad each other's farts smell: the whole shebang! And if that's the case, why not choose your best friend, right? After all, they probably know all of the above and then some.

WRONG!!!! OH, SO WRONG!!!! Whatever you do, do NOT room with your best friend. Even rooming with someone you know is a really bad idea! Think of your sister - how much you HATE when she steals your clothes without asking, your make-up, your hair stuff, your friends, (or the most awkward) your boyfriend. You know how you hate that little monster but you still love her because you're family? YOUR BEST FRIEND ISN'T FAMILY!! As much as you two love each other like sisters, it will not go over well 99.9999...% of the time! Your roommate in college is very unlikely going to be your best friend - you're really more likely to meet your best friend in the same way you'll meet your future spouse: in the grocery store, in class, online - you name it! But the last place I'd look is in your own room. It's very doubtful you'll stay up late telling your deepest darkest secrets. Now, that doesnt mean you won't be friends at all with your roommate and that doesnt give you any right to completely ignore and disregard your roommate: she's the person you'll be living with, at least for a while. You have to be civil.

Do try to make an effort, even if all the conversations ever go are as follows:

You: Hey (insert roommate's name here)! It's nice to meet you, wanna talk about who's bring what?
RM (new short hand for roommate): sure
You: okay, i have a mini fridge, microwave, crock pot, (insert other items here). I don't watch much tv though, so i dont have one.
RM: ok
You: do you wanna bring one? I woildnt use it though, I'll watch what i need on the computer
RM: no im good.
You: ok so what do you have?
RM: i haven't started getting stuff yet tbh
You: ...

DO NOT MAKE HER FEEL LIKE CRAP! This is usually the sign of " I'm two feet from going insane, this is way too overwhelming, just let me breathe. Now, if she's always responding in such a way, you may want to actually call her up and speak verbally because for one, it goes faster, and for two, you need answers. Always remember to remain calm because, although some may disagree, confrontation is generally something you want to avoid with your roommate.

In the end, i don't have a choice in who everyone chooses as their roommate and i can only give advice. My advice is to try to stay positive, don't commit any sort of felony, especially against your roommate, and just breathe. It's a new year and you're both naïve  about how college is going to play out, so stick together, but don't be afraid to branch out.

Shout Out!

There's a girl out there who blogged about college back in 2012 (or at least that's all the posts I've been seeing lately are the ones from her Spring Semester back then). She has some amazing posts that can't share my own experiences about yet simply because I have yet to be able to move all of my stuff into my future dorm room. So, in anticipation of my next haul (most likely to come shortly after Spring Break), check out The College Prepster's post about her dorm and organization!

Senior Year: Homework

This may sound intimidating for future Seniors to come: the load of homework and general crap we have to worry about is absolutely annoying and overwhelming. And it's not even like we even get that much, but the Senioritis/ADD/I-Don't-Care-Anymore makes this molehill seem like Mt. Everest. I mean, what sort of cruel person would expect a second-semester Senior to read a section per week of Crime and Punishment? How could you even ask an S-Cubed to analyze the meaning of Luzhin's bitterness and anger toward Raskolnikov as well as Sonechka's anxious and awkward state while receiving financial help from the narcissistic Luzhin? If you really wanted to know, you should have asked me last semester when I truly was like, "Yes! I can tackle this year!" rather than right now when every last Senior (none of us remain standing; most of us are hardly still on our hands and knees) asks on a daily basis, "Can we just graduate already?" I'd quite honestly rather have three hours of math homework than three hours of trying to comprehend translated Russian - at least with math you feel like you've gotten somewhere in the end. With this whole literature crap that we're working on here it's really just going in circles making up a bunch of hullaballoo (<--- I'd like to point out that this word is spelled correctly. Points).

"The significance of Sonya's awkward state when sitting in private conversation with Lizhin reveals her inability to relate to people around her. Despite her occupation as a prostitute, she is described to have anti-social tendencies that separate her from those around her. Because she does not recognizes when is the appropriate time to part from company, it is revealed that she is ultimately mentally unable to appreciate the company of those around her. Additionally, it is revealed that Luzhin's narcissistic tendencies reveal themselves through his state of mind and personal opinions, not only of women (particularly Dunya and Pulkeria), but of others around him, as well. Luzhin believed that he should have given Dunya more money so that she wouldn't have left him; however, had he given her more money, he wouldn't have been able to maintain the 'Superman' persona that he believes he held to Dunya and her family."

The previous paragraph that I have written is the kind of crap that ask us to produce on a weekly basis. What kind teachers have we, yes?

I don't know about anyone else, but I'm done with Senior year.

Parent FYI

For those parents new to life with a college-bound child, especially when said child happens to be female, anticipate heavy attitudes of I-really-couldn't-care-less and Please-shut-up-because-you're-stupid. And please don't take it offensively. As a Senior, the very last thing a normal kid wants to do is spend all their waking hours at home with Mommy and Daddy. Sure. They'd rather be at home than at school, but quality time with the parents is the last thing a kid wants. They're this close to freedom: the last thing your kid needs to see is you doubting yourself and the values you've instilled in them. So, unless you're aware of any drug or alcohol abuse that your kid has been going through, the likelihood of them going AWOL is fairly low (don't take me as an excuse to not care about your kid; I claim no responsibility for the future actions of your children).

Now, none of this is to say "Give up all hope of your kid loving you anymore, you're a stupid old fart that nobody cares about." No. Good grief, no. Your kid loves you. You know, as long as you've done your job of being a non-abusive parent, you're gold. They don't care if you're not perfect, you were their childhood hero. But everyone has to walk their own path, and clinging onto them for dear life like you're a Koala Bear on a tree isn't quite going to fly too high with them. Give them a little space. They need to fly from the nest some time.

The more relaxed you remain in front of them about letting them go to college (even if you're a nervous wreck on the inside), the more likely your kid will be willing to tell you when they're having issues. Going over the deep end right before you send them away isn't really an indicator of, "You can tell me anything." It tends to come across more as, "Yeah, I'm nuts and super on edge, so tell me stuff, but proceed with caution 'cause I'm a ticking time bomb."

On another note, if your Senior seems to be taking "easy" classes, don't push them. During my Senior year, I'm taking a teacher's aide class, three elite choir classes, Advanced Placement Spanish 5, Advanced Placement English Literature, and Honors Pre-Calculus. I can just hear some parents: " 'Elite' choir? Oh, come on. What do you do? Dance while you sing?" The answer to that - ...only at our last concert.  My point, however, is that the three choir classes I'm currently in are all auditioned. We have three or four concerts just in the spring, along with Regional and State competitions. Last year, we also went on a trip to Colorado for another, more competitive competition and ended up placing first in two of our choirs and second in our third choir. That's hard work. Believe me; singing isn't some field day.

As well, when you are given an Honors Pre-Calc final with 80 minutes to complete 60 3-5 part questions, you don't exactly pass. At least not with flying colors. Senior year is so stressful; you'd be surprised at what kids have to be thinking about these days so young. There's scholarships (which you never find out about until late March at earliest), College applications, College auditions (if your kid plans to be in choir, band, orchestra, etc.). You've got foreign language kids who have to take placement tests, AP exams, finals. Throw in those who participate in the plays/musicals in AND outside of school, those who do sports, or clubs, or any other extracurricular activity, including working ('cause some kids do that). Take all of that and add on expectations of not only doing well, but the expectation to take a full senior year? It's no wonder why some kids go insane (and no, I will not elaborate on that).

So before you decide that your kid must be Superman (or Superwoman, if you'd rather), consider literally everything they have to go through during this very important and VERY stressful year of their life. Consider that when your kid starts lashing out that s/he doesn't necessarily need the punishment as much as s/he needs the love. Naturally, there are some instances that need enforced punishment; however, you won't always be there to be scolding your kid when s/he does something wrong, so do remember to let their punishment be from natural consequences. There are many instances in which you will feel like you've lost absolute control, but always remember that you are a parent and, of all things, you know your kid. Keep them in mind during this last year that they will be right there close to home.

Non-College Related Post: Long Distance Relationships

If anybody has seen hard times in a relationship, it is those people who are in a long distance relationship. I, for sure, would know. After being in a relationship with my boyfriend for a year, I give little pity to those who are separated for a few hours between text messages. That being said, my boyfriend and I are faithful to each other. People often ask me how I am so sure that he is. And while that is a valid question, it is society's fault for the question's existence in the first place.

My very amazing and loving boyfriend and I talk every. single. day. without fail. On Skype, on the phone, via text. All of the above. We're not always in constant communication like many others; however, we are fairly inseparable considering the distance.

The only major problem we've had thus far is... Well... My mother. She was unaware of his existence until about six months after we started dating. It was my choice, honestly. She's never been a rather accepting person to say the least.

She often threatens that she won't pay for me to go to college whenever she and I fight and then blames my actions upon my meeting my boyfriend.

So what is my point in telling the world all of this information?

I do not suggest getting into a long distance relationship. They cause a lot of heartache, loneliness, and confusion. They cause a lot of tension, and they cause horrendous stress among everyone involved.

That being said, my boyfriend and I do plan on getting married in the next few years. He is my absolute best friend and favorite person in the world. We have our ups and downs, but one of the many qualities that I love about him is that he can always make me feel better when I'm upset, even with him. He never just walks away from me when I'm having a problem. Even if he can't solve it for me, he still manages to cheer me up, every time.

So, some of you may be thinking, "So why don't you recommend it? You're being a hypocrite!" Well, it depends on the person. Being in a long distance relationship has shown me that I am much stronger than I ever would have thought I was. It showed me what hard work, commitment, and loyalty means. It showed me that long distance is not for everybody and most definitely shouldn't last longer than absolutely necessary. I did everything in my power to try to cut the 'long distance' out of our relationship so that we could just be in a normal relationship together in the same area faster. God said no. You can only imagine how hurt I was at that one. Being separated from the love of my life showed me that prayer is absolutely essential to success. It showed me that  no matter what, everything will happen in time - but not my own time. God's time was the only way I'd get to be with my boyfriend faster. Which honestly isn't very fast most of the time. But God's time never stops. It always keeps moving. That's why it's already February.

So if you're finding yourself falling for somebody hundreds of miles away, believe me. You're not going to find your answer of whether it's right or wrong anywhere on the internet, in any of your friends, or even in your parents (as long as he's not serial killer material. In that case you may want to listen to your friends and family and let that bus pass on by). The only person that can tell you if this is right or wrong is God. He is all-knowing, and He will bring you through everything. He won't give you anything you can't handle. Though you absolutely will be tested. Don't ever think that God knowing that you'll make it through hard times means it'll be easy. Because it won't ever be easy. It'll only be worth it and eventually one day everything will make sense.

Advice...

Do not take a full schedule your senior year. Don't completely not do ANYTHING,  that's not what I mean. I mean if you can take a senior study hall, especially first hour where you don't have to be at school until your next class, do. You'll understand and thank me when you get to your second semester.

HAUL!!!!

Disregard my last post from today, just moments ago, I was tired and didn't think I'd have the energy. I found some.

LET US BEGIN!

Alright. Here is basically the corner of my basement in which I keep my ever-growing accumulation of STUFF I will be taking with me to college! My colors are loosely light blue, tan, and brown. However, since Wal-Mart doesn't always have EXACTLY what I need (and I don't need everything to a.b.s.o.l.u.t.e.l.y. match 100%), I also have... other colors.

 

 

So. To simplify...

FRIDGE!! I definitely plan on NOT doing too much spending money on food from the school and Union. My boyfriend and I will be making frequent trips to the grocery store together (how cute, right?); however, I want to be able to have my own supply for those days that I'm just feelin' like being on my own (though it's VERY rare, it does happen. Plus late night study sessions require food... And unfortunately, no distractions from boyfriend).

Please ignore how dusty this stuff is. I have yet to clean it because my microwave and fridge both were originally my brother's when he went to DePaul and then transferred to KU. So they've kinda been sitting in the same spot in my basement (and garage for the microwave) for the past 2-3 years. They both work, though! So, I'm good. I'll also be bringing my blender which isn't pictured, a meat fryer thing (it's like a George Foreman, but it's not. Also, I'll be keeping that at my boyfriend's place because it's only allowed in the kitchens of the dorms. And I don't know how much meat I'll be eating on my own.), and a crock pot which I have yet to buy. I will show it in a later post/future haul.

My only comment that I feel necessary to say to this is: I like bread. And bagels. Which is the same as bread.

A majority of what I have so far is hand-me-down stuff. This, for instance, was my sisters... I honestly think she "barrowed" it from somewhere. I don't rightfully know where to say she got it, but it works and I need to bring one with me, so this is what I shall use. Done.

Speaking of hand-me-downs, these were originally my grandma's which she gave to my mom and she has now given them to me. The 2nd largest and the smallest need repairs, but nothing major. Some time I'll give them make-overs by painting them. I'm 100% fond of the roosters on the reverse sides of them... Off topic, leave a comment with your opinion on grandmas and their attachment to rooster everything.

I got the tan sheets on Black Friday. I don't know why I thought I'd never be able to find them at my local Wal-Mart for a better price... The tan sheets I got for about $15 and the blue pair, which I just got today, was about $10. Live and learn, right? As per usual, my university's dorms have Twin XL-sized beds. So I got TXL sheets - 2 pairs because laundry is not my forte, especially when I have to do EVERYTHING in a day. Nope.

This I got at Target (incase you didn't recognize where the Xhilaration brand was from) also on Black Friday, except this one was actually a bargain. It was about $10-15 and was originally something like $30-40. Personally, I don't need much to keep warm at night, so this will suffice as my comforter (plus the sheet sets come with a thin blanket thing. You all know what I'm talking about).

 

I bought this pillow today. 'Cause I needed a new pillow.

 

 

So, ALSO on Black Friday, I bought 2 towels and 2 wash cloths at Kohl's for about $8 total. Yup. Like, $2 per piece.

 

Alright! That's my first haul. It definitely was limited, for sure. There are other things I have but are incomplete in their current state (Femme box, etc.) Despite the somewhat sporadic and non-correlating what I currently have is, I do have a general plan for everything I will have in the end by the time I go. Later in the year, say around August 10th or whenever I finally have everything (or close to it), I'll post everything I have in a much more organized manner (esp. using collage techniques via PicMonkey.com).

 

If you are looking for a list of College Necessities, you can either follow the previous link or find others (as well as other college decorating, pointers, etc) by clicking here to get to my Pinterest board, To College And Beyond.



UPDATE

Senior year sucks. Homework sucks. Being busy sucks. I will try to get this haul done by Saturday morning at very latest. Thank you for your patience.

Please Note

Anyone visiting my blog as I am in the process of creating this blog, please hold tight! I will be sure to post a short haul tomorrow night.

First of Many

This is my new TO COLLEGE AND BEYOND blog. Here I shall allow my Senioritis to flourish (because everyone loves procrastinating homework to blog!). I shall be uploading non-video (though portrayed heavily through pictures) dorm room hauls, college visits, and other college-related (and sometimes relationship-related) posts for upcoming and future college freshmen (probably more for girls). Additionally, if you'd like an insight into my decorating inspiration (Pinspiration), follow my To College And Beyond board on Pinterest or, if you'd be so kind, my whole collection of Pins.